Cool stuff and Why Not

August 31, 2009

The Drunk, cop, wife

Filed under: Jokes, Fun — vik20000in @ 8:32 am

After having a little too much to drink, a man drives home from the city, his car weaving violently all over the road, as drunk drivers are prone to do.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I’ve been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf."

August 25, 2009

Be proud to be an Indian

Filed under: Why Not — vik20000in @ 8:10 pm

Q. Who is the co-founder of Sun Microsystems?

A. Vinod Khosla

Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no introduction as 90% of the today’s computers run on it)?

A. Vinod Dahm

Q. Who are the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world’s No.1 web based email program)?

A. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a few)?

A. Arun Netravalli

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?

A. Rajiv Gupta

Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?

A. Sanjay Tejwrika

Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?

A. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

Q. We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites and the natives.

There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET,

38% of doctors in USA are Indians.

12% scientists in USA are Indians.

36% of NASA scientists are Indians.

34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.

28% of IBM employees are Indians.

17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.

13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

You may know some of the following facts. These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.

1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.

2. India invented the Number system. Brahmaguptha invented ‘zero.’

3. The world’s first University was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

4. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.

5. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.

6. Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty striken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India was once the richest empire on earth.

7. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word “Navigation” is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.

8. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars have last year (1999) officially published that Budhayan’s works dates to the 6th Century, which is long before the European mathematicians.

9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from Inida. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053.

10. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.

11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

13. Chess was invented in India.

14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India.

15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilisation).

16. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

August 24, 2009

Interesting Matrimonial applications

Filed under: Why Not — vik20000in @ 11:42 pm

DOCTOR:
Recently a love-bug injected in me strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I’m looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it Anacin, Metasin or Crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

BEGGAR;
Allah ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,
Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega

LAWYER;
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BANKER;
Wanted a wife, who takes interest in me, and credit me with her services.

SHAYAR;
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,  Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,  To yaaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

DRUNKARd
Wanted a girl, girl’s father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

MECHANIC
Wanted a sturdy wife, should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good mileage.

And the last but not the least……

SOFTWARE ENGINEERS:
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities).There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be differed But needs to be fixed by the Next Build. She must _NOT_ be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT or USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

August 21, 2009

Rakhi, Raksha Bandhan SMS Messages

Filed under: Raksha Bandhan, Rakhi, Mobile, SMS Messages — vik20000in @ 7:06 pm

Rakhi SMS for Brothers

  • “Brothers are like streetlights along the road, they don’t make distance any shorter but they light up the path and make the walk worthwhile.”
  • “You were always my best friend, looking out for me, making sure the path I traveled on was smooth. Even if I searched the world over, there cannot be a better brother than you. Wishing You Life’s Best Always.”
  • “We were always close, looking out for each other even when life led us along different paths… Like an invisible thread, our love binds us together, making sure we’ll remember where we came from and what we mean to each other. Wishing you a joyous Raksha Bandhan, Dear Brother.”
  • “The loving occasion of Raksha Bandhan is the best time Brother, to reminisce fondly the wonderful moment we have spent together, sharing each other’s joys and sorrows… Thanks for spreading smiles everywhere and making life so beautiful, meaningful and Happy… My Dear Brother .”
  • “You never say no, you never say thats impossible and you never say you can’t. That’s my bro, a superman who make things possible and who make paths smoother. I love you Bro.”
  • “You are the person who holds me in my bad times, you are the person who dances with me in my happiness. I can’t recall even a single day when you were absent from my life. I really love you.”
  • Kaamyabi tumhare kadam chume,
    Khushiyan tumhare charo aur ho,
    Par bhagwan se itni prarthana karne ke liye,
    tum mujhe kuch to commission do!
    To my extremely lovable (but kanjoos) brother…
    Just kidding as always.
    “Happy Raksha Bandhan.”

Rakhi SMS for Sisters

  • "Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."
  • “Sister is someone who is caring and sharing. Sister can understand things you never said. She can understand pain which is not visible to anyone. I love my sister.”
  • “It leaves a smile on my face when I think of those trifling fights we had and suddenly used to make up. The memories may fade away with passing time but the love we share will only grow. Happy Raksha Bandhan, Dear Sister.”
  • “God sent in my life a beautiful Angel in your guise, Sister. In good times or bad ones, you’re ready to extend your help and support. Thanks for all you do.”
  • “Sister is someone who is caring and sharing. Sister can understand things you never said. She can understand pain which is not visible to anyone. I love my sister.”

Humorous Rakhi SMS

  • “Hey didi you are the best. Do you know why? Because Iam your brother.”
  • “Har ladki ko aapka inteezar hai
    Har ladki aapke liye bekaraar hai
    Har ladki ko aapki aarjoo hai
    Yeh aapka koi kamaal nahi
    Kuch din baad ‘Rakhi’ ka tyohar hai!”
  • “Bhagwan kare tujhe bahut pyaar mile
    sabhi ladkiyan tujhe baandhe rakhi
    tujhe jeevan bhar ka unka saath mile.
    Happy Raksha Bandhan.”
  • "I am eagerly waiting for the Raksha Bandhan day. Guess, why? My brother has promised me the i-pod."
  • “Rakhi Ko Tyonhar Tha
    Rakhi Bandhane Ko Bhai Taiyar Tha
    Bhai Bola bahna meri ab to rakhi bandh do,
    Bahna Boli, Kalai Peechhe karo, Pahale Rupae Hazaar do.”
  • “Kya Bataoo Yaaro
    Meri Kismat Ki Kahani
    Kuch Is tarah Likhi Gai
    Jin Hatho Se Gulab Dena Chahta Tha
    Unhi hatho me vo Rakhi Bandhkar Chali Gai.”
  • “Aati Thi Jaathi Thi
    Hansti Thi, hansati thi
    Bhagati Thi, Bhagaati Thi
    Bolti Thi, Bulwati Thi
    Per aaj pata chala ki
    vah mujhe rakhi bandhana chahati thi.”
  • “Usaka Husn gaya kaleja cheer
    Nayano Se barbas Chhuta ek teer
    vo Muskrai, Nazdeeq aai
    Boli, Rakhi Bandhwale mere veer.”

Rakhi SMS for Teenager Brothers & Sisters

  • “Hey my sweet little pie, your cute smile makes my day, your small little hands take me out from all dangers of life. You are little angel of my life. I love you. Your’s elder sister/brother.”
  • “My cute angel from today’s onwards I promise you I’ll never scold you when you’ll tear my books, messed up my clothes. You are really a ray of happiness in my life.”

Rakhi Songs SMS

  • “Phoolon Ka Taaron Ka Sabka Kehna Hai
    Ek Hazaron Mein Meri Behna Hai
    Sari Umar Hame Sang Rehna Hai.”
  • “Jhula Bahon Ka Aaj Bhi Do Na Mujhe
    Jhula Bahon Ka Aaj Bhi Do Na Mujhe
    Bhaiyaa Goud Mein Uthao Na Aaj Mujhe
    Kad Se Hoon Badi Mann Se Chhoti Main
    Aaj Bhi Maan Lo Na Zid Meri.”
  • “Behna ne bhaai ki kalaai se pyaar baandha hai
    pyaar ke do taar se, sansaar baandha hai
    resham ki dori se -2
    resham ki dori se sansaar baandha hai) -2.”
  • “Mere Bhaiya Mere Chanda
    Mere Anamol Ratan
    Tere Badale Main Zamaane Ki
    Koi Cheez Na Lu) -2.”

Rakhi witty SMS

  • “Yes I love you. You are so cute, smart. My mother also likes you very much. My father is ready to take up our relationship seriously. So please don’t say no to my proposal. Accept me as your dearest, loveliest younger sister. Happy Raksha Bandhan Bhaiya.”
  • “Raksha Bandhan… time for me to realize each year that what a BIG MISTAKE I made asking God for a little sister like you.”
  • “Har ilzam ka haqdar vo hame bana jati hai, har khata ki saza vo hume bata jaati hai, hum har baar khamosh rah jate hai, kyonki who har baar Raksha Bandhan ka darr dikha jaati hai.”

August 20, 2009

What is the truest definition of Globalization

Filed under: Why Not — vik20000in @ 7:35 pm

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer:
An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky,
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by Indian,
using Bill Gates ’s technology,
and you’re probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegal’s…..
That, my friend, is Globalization

Received ASIA MVP Certification Hero Award 2009

Filed under: Why Not — vik20000in @ 9:17 am

Hi,

Just received the ASIA MVP Certification Hero Award 2009. I did not knew that another award was coming. Was more than pleasantly surprised. Thanks to Microsoft, Microsoft MVP Team, Microsoft Learning Team.

Its amazing that You get awarded for Helping others with the knowledge of discounts available.

Again Thanks to Microsoft for the award.

Vikram

Powered by WordPress