Cool stuff and Why Not

One fine day, Akbar, accompanied by his two sons and his clever Minister Birbal, went to the river to take a bath.

They asked Birbal to hold their clothes while they were bathing and took off their clothes and stepped into the river.

Birbal stood at the bank of the river, waiting for them, with their clothes on his shoulder. Looking at Birbal standing like this, Akbar felt like teasing him and remarked that Birbal looked like a washerman’s donkey with a load of clothes.

Birbal quickly retorted that he was carrying the load of not just one donkey, but actually three.

The emperor was speechless.

One fine day, Emperor Akbar was discussing the brinjal with Birbal. He told him what a delicious and nutritious vegetable it was. Much to Akbar’s surprise, Birbal thoroughly agreed with him and even sang two songs in praise of the humble brinjal.

After a couple of days, the royal chef cooked brinjal curry for lunch. Birbal was also eating at the palace that day. When the brinjal curry was served to Akbar, he refused it saying that it was a tasteless, stale vegetable, full of seeds and lacking proper nutrition. He then asked that it be served to Birbal who loved brinjals.

But Birbal, too, refused it saying that it was not good for health. So Akbar impatiently asked him why he was saying such things when he sang the brinjals praise, not a few days ago.

Birbal replied that he had praised the brinjal only because his emperor had praised it and criticized it when his majesty had criticized it, as he was loyal to his emperor and to not the brinjal. He said that the brinjal could not make him a minister no matter how much he praised it. He went on to say that he was his majesty’s obedient servant, and not that of the brinjal.

The emperor was pleased by his honest, bold, and witty response.

One night, Emperor Akbar dreamt that he had lost all his teeth, except one. The next morning he invited all the astrologers of his kingdom to interpret this dream.

After a long discussion, the astrologers prophesized that all his relatives would die before him.

Akbar was very upset by this interpretation and so sent away all the astrologers without any reward.

Later that day, Birbal  entered the court. Akbar related his dream and asked him to interpret it. After thinking for a while Birbal replied that the Emperor would live a longer & more fulfilled life than any of his relatives.

Akbar was pleased with Birbal’s explanation and rewarded him handsomely.

Since Birbal always outwitted Akbar, Akbar thought of a plan to make Birbal look like a fool. He gave one egg to each of his ministers before Birbal reached the court one morning.

So when Birbal arrived, the king narrated a dream he had had the previous night saying that he would be able to judge the honesty of his ministers if they were able to bring back an egg from the royal garden pond.

So, Akbar asked all his courtiers to go to the pond, one at a time and return with an egg. So, one by one, all his ministers went to the pond and returned with the egg which he had previously given them.

Then it was Birbal’s turn. He jumped into the pond and could find no eggs. He finally realized that the King was trying to play a trick on him. So he entered the court crowing like a cock.

The Emperor asked him to stop making that irritating noise and then asked him for the egg.

Birbal smiled and replied that only hens lay eggs, and as he was a cock, he could not produce an egg.

Everyone laughed loudly and the King realized that Birbal could never be easily fooled

One day, when Akbar and Birbal were in discussions, Birbal happened to pass a harmless comment about Akbar’s sense of humour.  But Emperor Akbar was in a foul mood and took great offense to this remark. He asked Birbal, his court-jester, friend and confidant, to not only leave the palace but also to leave the walls of the city of Agra.  Birbal was terribly hurt at being banished.

A couple of days later, Akbar began to miss his best friend.  He regretted his earlier decision of banishing him from the courts. He just could not do without Birbal and so sent out a search party to look for him. But Birbal had left town without letting anybody know of his destination.  The soldiers searched high and low but were unable to find him anywhere.

Then one day a wise saint came to visit the palace accompanied by two of his disciples.  The disciples claimed that their teacher was the wisest man to walk the earth.  Since Akbar was missing Birbal terribly he thought it would be a good idea to have a wise man that could keep him company. But he decided that he would first test the holy man’s wisdom.

The saint had bright sparkling eyes, a thick beard and long hair. The next day, when they came to visit the court Akbar informed the holy man that since he was the wisest man on earth, he would like to test him. All his ministers would put forward a question and if his answers were satisfactory he would be made a minister. But if he could not, then he would be beheaded. The saint answered that he had never claimed to be the wisest man on earth, even though other people seemed to think so. Nor was he eager to display his cleverness but as he enjoyed answering questions, he was ready for the test.

One of the ministers, Raja Todarmal, began the round of questioning. He asked "Who is a man’s best friend on earth?"  To which the wise saint replied, "His own good sense". Next Faizi asked which was the most superior thing on earth? "Knowledge", answered the saint. "Which is the deepest trench in the world?", asked Abdul Fazal. And the saint’s answer was "a woman’s heart". "What is that which cannot be regained after it is lost?" questioned another courtier and the reply he received was ‘life’. "What is undying in music" asked the court musician Tansen. The wise saint replied that it was the "notes". And then he asked "which is the sweetest and most melodious voice at night -time? And the answer he received was "the voice that prays to God."

Maharaj Mansingh of Jaipur, who was a guest at the palace asked, "what travels more speedily than the wind?" the saint replied that it was "man’s thought". He then asked, "which was the sweetest thing on earth?" and the saint said that it was "a baby’s smile".

Emperor Akbar and all his courtiers were very impressed with his answers, but wanted to test the saint himself. Firstly he asked what were the necessary requirements to rule over a kingdom, for which he was answered ‘cleverness’. Then he asked what was the gravest enemy of a king. The saint replied that it was ’selfishness’.  The emperor was pleased and offered the saint a seat of honour and asked him whether he could perform any miracles. The saint said that he could manifest any person the king wished to meet. Akbar was thrilled and immediately asked to meet his minister and best friend Birbal.

The saint simply pulled off his artificial beard and hair much to the surprise of the other courtiers. Akbar was stunned and could not believe his eyes. He stepped down to embrace the saint because he was none other than Birbal.

Akbar had tears in his eyes as he told Birbal that he had suspected it to be him and had therefore asked him whether he could perform miracles. He showered Birbal with many valuable gifts to show him how happy he was at his return.

King Akbar was very fond of Birbal. This made a certain courtier very jealous. Now this courtier always wanted to be chief minister, but this was not possible as Birbal filled that position.

One day Akbar praised Birbal in front of the courtier. This made the courtier very angry and he said that the king praised Birbal unjustly and if Birbal could answer three of his questions, he would accept the fact that Birbal was intelligent. Akbar always wanting to test Birbals wit readily agreed.

The three questions were
1. How many stars are there in the sky
2. Where is the centre of the Earth and
3. How many men and how many women are there in the world.

Immediately Akbar asked Birbal the three questions and informed him that if he could not answer them, he would have to resign as chief minister.

To answer the first question, Birbal brought a hairy sheep and said �There are as many stars in the sky as there is hair on the sheep�s body. My friend the courtier is welcome to count them if he likes.�

To answer the second question, Birbal drew a couple of lines on the floor and bore an iron rod in it and said �this is the centre of the Earth, the courtier may measure it himself if he has any doubts.�

In answer to the third question, Birbal said �Counting the exact number of men and women in the world would be a problem as there are some specimens like our courtier friend here who cannot easily be classified as either. Therefore if all people like him are killed, then and only then can one count the exact number.

One day a Brahmin by the name of Sevaram asked Birbal for help. He said that his forefathers were great Sanskrit scholars and that people used to respectfully refer to them as Panditji. He said that he had no money nor need for wealth, he was content living a simple life.  But he had just one wish. He wished people would refer to him as Panditji too. He asked Birbal how he could achieve this.

Birbal said that the task was fairly simple. If the Brahmin followed his advice word for word, this task could be achieved. Birbal advised the Brahmin to shout at anyone who would call him Panditji from now on.

Now the children who lived on the same street as the Brahmin did not like him since he scolded them often. They were just waiting for an opportunity to get back at him. Birbal told the children that the Brahmin would get really irritated if they would start calling him Panditji. The children started calling him Panditji and the Brahmin as advised by Birbal started shouting at them. The children spread the word to all the other children in the neighborhood that Sevaram hated being called Panditji, so they in turn all started calling him Panditji. After a while, Sevaram got tired of scolding them but everyone already was used to calling him Panditji. Hence the game was over but the name stuck.

As you all know, Emperor Akbar was very impressed with Birbal’s wisdom and greatly enjoyed his quick wit. One fine morning when Akbar was especially pleased with Birbal, as a gesture of appreciation, he promised to reward him with many valuable and beautiful gifts.

However, many days passed, and still there was no sign of even one gift. Birbal was quite disappointed with the king. Then one day, when Akbar was strolling down the banks of River Yamuna with his ever faithful Birbal at his side, he happened to notice a camel passing by. He asked Birbal why the neck of the camel was crooked. Birbal thought for a second and promptly replied that it might be because the camel may have forgotten to honour a promise. The holy books mention that those who break their word get punished with a crooked neck; perhaps that was the reason for the camel’s crooked neck.

Akbar soon realised his folly of making a promise to Birbal for gifts and not honouring it.  He was ashamed of himself. As soon as they returned to the palace he immediately gave Birbal his justly deserved reward. As you can see, Birbal always managed to get what he wanted without directly asking for it.

Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol today became the first Indian movie stars to ring the opening bell of the New York stock exchange NASDAQ.

The couple are in New York to promote their latest film My Name is Khan and were invited to by Fox Searchlight Pictures, who are distributing the film in the US, to open trading at the world’s biggest stock exchange at 9:00 am Monday.
On his tweeter account, Shah Rukh said, "Nasdaq will be fun. Have to make sure I reach on time, otherwise will end up being blamed for economic upheaval across the world too..ha ha."
Shah Rukh and Kajol will also be talking to New Yorkers, later today, through an online chat show hosted by the South Asian Journalists Association.
Their latest movie centres around a Muslim man, who faces difficulties in social interaction, and falls unconditionally for the beautiful Mandira, a Hindu single mother living out her version of the global dream of success.
The movie, also starring Jimmy Shergill and Tanay Chheda, will be released on February 12 worldwide and will also premiere at the 60th annual Berlin International Film Festival during the week of its release.

Zac Efron is set for a 9-million-pound payday for his role as Spider Man.

The High School Musical star will step into Tobey Maguire’s  shoes for the fourth blockbuster movie, slated to start shooting later this year and hit theatres in 2012.

Tobey, 34, shocked bosses at Universal Pictures last year when he announced he was quitting the megabucks franchise.

‘After dumping Spidey, Tobey then came to the rescue by recommending that Zac should take over his role," the Daily Star quoted a studio insider as saying.

Producers of the Spider Man franchise reckon that the 22-year-old, who has a huge teen following, will bring new fans to the Spider-Man series.

They are also believed to be considering reuniting Zac with his High School Musical co-star Vanessa Hudgens, 21.

She is hotly tipped to replace Kirsten Dunst , 27, as Spider-Man’s love interest.

‘It would be a great coup to land her as well,’ a source said.

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ‘I’m sorry to say this son but I have to.The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don’t tell your mother.’The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ‘Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn’t tell you.’His mother smiling said to him, ‘Don’t worry my son,you can marry any of those girls. You’re not his son !!’

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a
young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was
to try counseling.
They had been at each other’s throat for some time and felt that
this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office,
the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything
to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour
describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the
counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her
passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what
had happened.
The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least
twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied, " Ok, I can bring her
here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked
was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’
meant,
In India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant, In Europe they didn’t
know
what ’shortage’ meant, In China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant,
In
the Middle East they didn’t know what ’solution’ meant, In South
America
they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant, And in the USA they didn’t know
what
‘the rest of the world’ meant

One day a man was having a conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you…you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"
Another day a S/w Programmer was having a similar conversation with his PM when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you…you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.
The man couldn’t stand his curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I Know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Join the queue